A moment to rant

Listening to: Nothing, but I still have Gee by Girl's Generation stuck in my head argh!
Currently drinking: just finished a Starbucks double short mocha

According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, the definition of self doubt is: a lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities. Well, here is my rant filled with self-doubt...

I am not a writer. I don't write. I'm scared of what people will think. I am constantly fighting myself, always wondering, "is what I have to say worth any value?"As a person, I'm incredibly plain, like a peanut butter sandwich without any jelly, I sit just a little bit dry on the taste buds. The best way to describe myself is: incredibly, unfailingly mediocre. The best way to describe how I write is: completely uninspired, redundant, and bland. Yet, here I sit, typing away on the computer with the knowledge that no one will walk away from reading this with any sort of satisfaction. I apologize.

I mean, I really do give an honest effort, my heart beats in every letter typed, yet somehow, I know that the product of my efforts always seem to come out lacking. I generally aim for this blog to be positive, and, for the most part, it has been. But sometimes, even the most positive of people fall prey to the ever looming monster of self-doubt. I know that this digression might come as a surprise. I am supposed to be writing about travel and self growth, yet somehow I still feel like a crying newborn: unconfident and in need of a diaper change. Again, I apologize.

Going through some of my older posts, I find myself cringing at times, wishing I had something more pertinent to say than "oh, today was fun." I want my words to be poignant and thought provoking, yet I stay safe and remain on the shallow end of the pool. I question myself,  "when will I dive in deep enough to truly test the waters?" I want to be witty and sarcastic, maybe like Sylvia Plath without the whole oven-suicide thing, yet, time and time again, my mind produces such literal garbage that I find myself wishing to purge myself of the junk food words that make up my lexicon. I want to stretch and reshape my mind, you know, get a little cerebral exercise and hopefully whip it into a shape fitting enough of a third (and a half) year university student.

I'm sorry if my words are upsetting in any way, but sometimes I ponder, "Do other people feel like this? Will I, perchance, meet another young person that feels the same aimlessness, sucking at the kernel of his or her own soul?"

Bleh, ok well I'm done with my little spiel. Sorry for that, but, as always, love you lattes!